Thursday, May 9, 2013

The Crazy S#$%^ Christians Say

A decade ago, I attended my daughter's graduation from a Christian University.  Let me be clear, this is no standard Christian University where you send your child to make sure they learn correct doctrine and are safe from the world. This place insisted that they made their own choice in their faith, understood the concepts and the reason, and got a valid degree in the world.  But they were weird.  We go a letter 6 months into her first year telling us to stop pressuring her to decide what the rest of her life was going to be about.  She had not heard the call yet.  She did not know.  I'm thinking, 100k for this?  She better know what she is doing.  As it turns out, I was wrong. She chose changing lives by using her teaching gifts in karate.  She has changed 1000's of lives already, including my own. Anyway, this university gave her, and me by extension, the tools to see how crazy we Christians can be.

Crazy S#$%^ #1)
 One of the speakers at her graduation was a professor emeritus and a baptist pastor of some renown.  We got up and said, something like, "There are many God damned people in the world."  

There was a gasp.  Indignation.  Then silence.  

Then he said something I have never forgotten.  "Most of you are more worried about me saying 'God Damned" than about those who are damned."

Wait........

What?  

Yep.  He was right.  We judged him on our rules.  Swearing is bad.  Don't do it.  Somewhere in the Bible I can prove it.  For sure, don't use the Lord's name in vain.  Problem is, he was not swearing.  He was stating a fact.

We were more worried about the words he used than the people we have been charged to help.  People who do not know Jesus are damned.  We have been given the tools to help them, so the spirit can work within them.  Yet, we are worried about his words, not their souls.  Odd.
Backwards.   Wrong.

We should shine the light of the Gospel.  Can't shine darkness anyway.

Crazy S#$%^  #2)  I was at an event sponsored by group my wife's and daughter's karate school belongs too.  There was one of the best rated goal setting, sales supporting, uber-speakers in the world today there.  And ... he is know as an out spoken Christian.  Yea.  I listen with awe to his awesome presentation.  Someday I could be a rich and powerful Christian just like him.  We even got to sit with him at dinner.  Pretty cool. 

I told him Crazy Story #1 above, and he said, with perfect posture and aplomb, that this professor was wrong, and misleading young minds.  No one should ever take the Lord's name in vain.  He missed the point.  The great commission was about sending us out to bring the Word to the lost, not spreading rules around and measuring other people.

He really was just a stuffed expensive suit, pretending to be a Christian in order to make money.  He spends his life seeing if other's measure up.

Crazy S#$%^  #3)  God loves praise and worship music, so if you don't do it, your not making God happy.  Really?  I know the verses, but really? 

I'm mostly tone deaf, and my injury makes loud music, heavy metal and reverb an awesome trigger for headaches that put me on the ground.  Ill.  Like I can't describe.  So any church that spends massive amounts of money and time on music, insisting that God demands it, kinda hates my service.  I teach.  That's I how serve.  I have to hang in the bathroom during most of the praise music so I don't get sick.  No kidding. 

Does that mean I'm going to hell?  Plus, I rather hear a flute, piano and Base than a keyboard, lead guitar and a snare drum anyway.  I'm ok with rock and roll; it's my generations greatest gift to the world, but I really prefer classical and country to heavy metal.

Same university.  Sitting at the baccalaureate service in a local church.  (The university does not have it's own church, as they insist that their students attend a local church and get involved in that churches mission.)  One of the speakers, the valedictorian or the dean of students, I don't remember which, talked about the trends in modern churches, and used a phrase.  7 - 11 Music.  7 Verses, 11 times.  I count now, 10 years later.  You know what, he was right.  Most music is 7-11 music in churches I visit.  It's really not praise and worship.  It's marketing.  

Give me amazing grace.  At least I know it won't get me sick, and it causes me to listen to the words.

Crazy S#$%^  #4) Your bible is evil, and by reading it, you're insuring that you're going to hell.

Err.  Hell seems to be nipping at my heels, like a dog. I don't like most praise music. I read evil bibles.  I'm worried about the damned.  Help.  Going down for the last time.

All bibles are translations.  All of them are wrong.  There is no original one.  They are a collection of letters, stories, books and histories, but we don't even have the original collection.  I was actually told, when I asked about this, that "the original ..... have no errors."  What?  How's that?  Worse, they were not written by the hand of God.  They were written by the hand of humans.  However, they were written by inspiration from God.  And, if they are read with the Holy Spirit's inspiration, whatever bible you are reading is both inerrant and sufficient.  If you do not have the Holy Spirit, it's just a book.  Yet, we fight over which one we read. Just as if Jesus spoke the original in English. 

Crazy S#$%^  #5)  My church no longer gives me what I need.  

What?  Church is NOT about your needs, desires or wants.  It's about God.  If you don't get what you want, either change what you want, because it might not be in line with what God wants, or change your Church.  

We, as Christians, are not about swapping sheep or shepherds.

We are about the harvest.  

Go get more sheep.  New sheep.  Times a wasting, and we have already been told what to do.


Crazy S#$%^  #6)  If you were offended by the title, The Crazy S#$%^ Christians Say, S _ _ _ _  -- five letter.  Not  4 .. 

Stuff, people, stuff.  Crazy Stuff Christians Say.

 Put your whip back in the drawer.

Why did I write this?  Because, as it turns out, I know many Christians that spend much time slamming other Christians.  I am more worried about my family members who don't know Christ than I am about those people who attend a church different than mine or who don't follow, understand or agree with my doctrine.

I know that God loves me, and the gay couples I know, and you too. 

I can't control my own behavior well enough to call myself righteous, and I am sure that by calling someone else a sinner, I get no closer to God.  Saul (Paul) did that; then he saw the light.  The light of the Lord.  The Good News. 

I want to live in this time with fellow Christians that are more worried about the damned than they are about the rules.  I want us to be more willing to spend their treasure and their time to bring love to the world than they are to spend time to yell at each other about doctrine. 

I'm tired of hearing about how much God loves guns, the constitution and baseball, and how much he hates Islam, your church, gays and New England.  I'm a conservative born again Christian. Yet, I am worried about those who don't know the Lord.  

The two most important laws, according to Jesus, are to Love the Lord your God, with all your Heart (body, mind spirit, life) and just as important, Love your neighbor as yourself.

Chill out.  We are not supposed to pick up the sword and start smiting the evil one.  We are supposed to love God and our Neighbor.  Stop the hate.  Start the Love.  I'm far to weak to do it on my own, and the light keeps fleeing from my sight.  

One Church.  One God.  Amen.

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