Friday, February 1, 2013

TBI and the ravages of Memory Lost - Or People I have Met at Starbucks

Today, after picking up a few kids from middle school, I went to Starbucks to get them Hot Chocolate and me some Passion Fruit tea.  On the way in, I ran into someone we train with in the parking lot.  Pretty cool, since I have learned much about Chinese Martial Arts from him, he only being in College, and me having a daughter in Graduate School.  I actually love it when I learn from other like that.

Then I went in, wondering why my Starbucks App only had $8 on it, and hoping I could remember my password.  On the way in, there was this 30 something bald guy in pretty good shape, who recognized me.  These are the moments I dread.  How can I represent Christ,. when I am swamped with fear of damaging others feelings, or creating a false impression just because I can not remember who they are.

So I punted..  I acted as though I recognized him.  I know many 20 - 50 bald guys in good shape.  So I said hello, and moved on with the kids, wondering just who it was.

30 Minutes later, one of the kids says, "who where those people you said hello to at Starbucks?"  People?  I saw one 30 something guy talking to what looked like a high school guy.  Then a light when on.  There were three people there.  I though I knew their names now.  So I went to facebook, hoping they were friends of mine, and checked out the picture.

Yep, I knew these people very well.  There had been much good between us, and a ton of bad blood too, which had been repaired.  Now I felt like a fool.  Relationships that have been stressed don't take much to blow up, and being the type of Christian I am, I was and am instantly worried I have damaged the tenuous relationship more.

Great.  So I zap off a Facebook message apologizing for my omission.  Full disclosure no less, about my memory issues.

That is a huge paranoid reflex due totally to TBI.  Very normal.  Every day.  Stress from hell. Countered with taking responsibility.

Why do I mention it in a blog about the Power of God?  Because in church the other day, the youth pastor was standing in for the big man, and challenged us to pray the big prayer.  I did.  I do.  It is this.  For the glory of God, you prayers can be so big that only he can do it.  I prayed for healing of my mind, (the TBI) my Body (way over weight) and my spirit (this type of knee jerk reaction that reflects poorly on Christians in general, if you don't understand where I am coming from.) because TBI has covered up who I was, and changed me into something I don't even like.

Has it worked yet.  NO!!!

I am terrified I have insulted them beyond repair.

I am shaking with shame.  My witness seems to come down to this one point, and this one point only.

I am telling you this here, so when the prayer is answered, you will know it was not my goal setting, or dilegance, or effort.  That I have plenty of, but this prayer is beyond my ability to force into reality.  TBI is that real.  I have accepted that finally.  Yet, when God does finish it, you will see it here.  You will see that God gets the Glory.  You will know that God is alive and well., and loves all his people.

Praise God, in the highest.

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