Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Diving Into the Unknown II - an Act of Faith

If you have not read  Diving Into the Unknown - An Act of Faith , you might want to, in order to understand this post.

C.H. Spurgeon is quoted in the picture to the left, and he is speaking of a theological concept called Sufficiency, or in other words, Jesus is all you need, and he can and does fulfill the need you have.

This last week has been horrible for me.  My wife and daughter had students who freaked out and caused strife in our lives, one of their landlords for the karate schools suddenly became unreasonable, I attended a 2 hour Christmas presentation (I get messed up in public settings), I showed up to teach Sunday School, as I was supposed to, only to hear "Why are You here?"  For someone with TBI, any of this would be sufficient to make my injury and it's accompanying illness go nuts, and drag me down.  

I would like to tell you that I was not dragged down, but I was.  To the mat.  Still down.  Feels like I am drowning, and reaching for the surface, but nothing I do can make a difference.  Normally, I can talk myself into action, but this time my entire body is fighting.  Migraine headaches that worsen with movement, light or stress.  Loss of desire for anything, including fluid, which only makes the migraines worse.  Dreams with my eyes open, with colors and shapes I do not understand. Everything that can happen with TBI  is happening.  I am reaching out to control the situation, being the man and all, but only find out that there is nothing I can do.  I have to depend on others.  I hate depending on others.  It makes me feel useless.  Yet, here I am. Again.

So I repeat to myself over and over again:

Isaiah 41:10 - (ESV) "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.

Credit: Free images from acobox.com
So where is Jesus.  

I look behind me, and I don't even see my foot prints, so I can't say that Jesus is carrying me, as in the famous poem by Mary Stevenson.

So where is he, and is he really enough for all situations?

My faith says yes, but my body and mind say no. NO. NO. NO.

So let's explore the faith side.

For sure, for my salvation from my sin is secure in Jesus, and he alone.  That much is certain.

John 10:7-10 (AMP):  So Jesus said again, “I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, that I Myself am the Door for the sheep. All others who came [as such] before Me are thieves and robbers, but the [true] sheep did not listen to and obey them.  I am the Door; anyone who enters in through Me will be saved (will live). He will come in and he will go out [freely], and will find pasture. The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).

Notice, however, that Jesus is NOT talking only about eternal life.  He goes off the reservation to tell us he came that we may have and enjoy life in abundance. Enjoy life in abundance.  ENJOY LIFE IN ABUNDANCE.  

Wow ...  So, I am off the reservation when my brain injury is making me live a life without joy and abundance.  No wait.  My brain injury does not make me do anything.  What is really messing me up?  Fear that what I am will not be enough for those who know me and depend on me.  Pretty stupid when you think about it.  I am what I am, as Popeye used to say, and more than that, I am a new creation in Christ Jesus, so if God is happy with his creation, shy should I not be.


Freaking useless when you are at the bottom of a pit looking up, or you know your hand is in the air, but your face is underwater, and you are going down, for the last time, but nice.


You see, that is the problem with TBI.  Sitting in a chair, stairing at the world go by, knowing all the things you have lost, looking for someone to blame is not good for feeling joy.  But that is what I do.  Count the poop spots in my life.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: (ESV) “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

That is what I have to count to get from where I am taken, to where God wants me.  Be thankful.  In order to be thankful, you need to be specific.  That means you have to count the things you need to be thankful for.

Count your blessings.


Count right now!

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